After Dad died, I kept his ledger lit. Chasing closure with every transaction—proof, apology, a fucked up vigil, one last try for trust from the dead.
Tag: grief
Witness Work: Love’s Muscle Memory After Loss
I thought knowing the why of it could’ve saved him. But mercy is realizing that trying so hard was the real love all along.
Confession isn’t Closure, Silence isn’t Safety
Part III is a loop: confession, silence, hope, repeat. Writing it means reliving that painful waiting; truth without closure, love without repair.
Nóttleysa, reflection without sleep
On nightless days, Memory feasts on my regrets. Nóttleysa weaves a web of every should’ve/could’ve I wear as armor. Follow the silk before the seams split.
PostScript: Blame the Alcoholic, Too (I Do)
Dad’s drinking made him a target. By 2020, Dad was too vulnerable, too ripe for the picking, and she just couldn’t resist the temptation.
ThanK you aIMee, for the Viewpoint & Voice
My desire for vengeance is ruining this project. I know of only one way to stop it: embrace it, then let it go. So, here it is.
Keep Your Eyes Peeled for Spiders
I used to convince myself: if only I had squashed that spider when she first bared her fangs, Dad’s death could’ve been prevented. But I know better now.
Money Over Matter: Happiness vs. the Bottom Line
Dad gave up his dream so he could pursue the finer things in life; it made him miserable. Endless waiting, better days on the horizon, but never here.
Mary Karr’s Magic: How The Art of Memoir Unlocked My Soul
I saw my heartache in print; only, it wasn’t mine. These were the experiences of a 1960s family in Texas. Karr’s familial hurts merely echoed mine.
From Science to Soul: The Grieving Brain’s Guide to Death
The Grieving Brain delves into the scientific and emotional aspects of grief. I cover intrusive thoughts, avoidance, counterfactual thinking, and rumination.