The character believes the Lie—the character overcomes the Lie—the new Truth is liberating.
While working on my fantasy epic Elementals, I read the book Creating Character Arcs by K.M. Weiland. Using her methodical research, I fashioned several questionnaires to help me delve deeper into my characters.
I haven’t used these old templates in a while, but a few days ago I gave them a gander. I was curious to see if I could implement this outlining method for my memoir, treating myself as the main character. Could I fill out the form as easily and honestly as I would if it were for a made-up character? What I discovered surprised me.
First, a caveat: Writing a memoir and writing a fantasy book are completely different beasts. My shift[1] from fiction to nonfiction has not gone smoothly. I’ve had to adjust my style to accommodate this more personal way of writing. The blog helps me get past some of these challenges; each post allows me to fine-tune my approach a bit more.
As I worked through my character arc questionnaire, it became evident that it would not be suitable for this new genre I’m in. The questions nevertheless produced surprising insights.
What is a character arc?
An individual’s emotional journey through a narrative. At the beginning, they are one type of person; at the end, they have transformed (often for the better) as a result of a sequence of terrifying, crazy, or emotionally taxing events.
This is a very simplistic explanation. It doesn’t account for all the character arcs we see in movies, books, and T.V. shows, but it does explain one of the most common: a positive change arc. Key word: positive. (If I’m actually in something like a fall arc, please don’t tell me, universe.)
The most important thing I have learned is—it’s been three years, one month, and two days since my dad passed away and I am still not over it. That might sound obvious to some of you, given what I’ve written about lately, but it came as a shock to me. I thought I had gotten a lot farther in my healing process, but when I could not answer most of these questions, it became apparent to me I still have a way to go.
At first, I could chalk it up to my low self-esteem, because the opening questions ask things like, What important virtue, skill, or personality trait best sums up the character? It asks about the character’s strengths and weaknesses. I knew facts about myself but could not discern if they were positive or negative.
When I got to the section devoted to “the Lie[2] the Character Believes,” which is a misconception the character holds at the beginning of a story, I found it almost impossible to write the words I knew belonged there.
Was it because I still struggle to see this as a Lie? I think so. The guilt I feel about how things ended for Dad is so deep and abiding. I don’t know why I feel so personally responsible when I would cut down the first person who dared blame my little sister. Why can’t I extend the same grace to myself?
A year after Dad’s death, I was messaged by someone after posting an emotional tribute on Facebook. She said she was sickened by my post. She said I had ignored plenty of warning signs, all of which she believed I knew about well in advance and could have acted upon. Of course, I didn’t know them all, nor could I do much about some of them, but I did know about enough red flags. I took down that tribute post, shame-faced. Sometimes I wonder if she would ever reconsider her words, knowing how much they affected a grieving daughter. She spoke on behalf of someone close to my dad and realizing that person also likely blamed me for his death was shattering.
Trying, and failing, to complete my character arc questionnaire emphasizes both the obstacles and insights that come with writing a memoir. It’s helped me realize that I’m still not looking at myself critically enough. As much as I’d like to think I’ve torn away all my False Selves and this is the Real Me, that’s not quite true.
I hope by the end of this process, I will have a genuine sense of self and confidently be able to declare: this is Me.
[1] Adapting to the first-person point of view, changing brainstorming methods, and using new outlining techniques have been the most challenging for me.
[2] It’s the falsehood the character needs to overcome to achieve their true potential and live their best life. It’s usually a wrong idea they have about themselves, other people, or the world that shapes their actions and decisions.
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